Holding on to my "baby"

Tonight as I was getting in bed you started crying. You didn’t get up but I could tell you were having a nightmare by the sound of your cries. While you can usually put yourself back to sleep it was taking longer than usually tonight, so I went up to your room. You immediately reached for me and as I picked you up, you laid your head on my shoulder and went back to sleep.

Now, I could have put you back in bed, but I was selfish. So I sat down in the rocking chair and rocked you while you drooled on my shoulder and twitched in that deep sleeping way. I was feeling selfish because I haven’t had you sleep on my shoulder in months and months and months and I knew that those moments were going to be even more infrequent as you continued to grow and your sister joins us in the next few weeks. You were going to graduate from baby to big girl and as I held your little body tonight I couldn’t help but cry.

Tears of sadness that you weren’t going to be sleeping on my shoulder forever, that I wouldn’t have my undivided attention to give you anymore and that you were growing. 

Also tears of joy knowing that you are still mine and that no matter what you will aways be my baby. You will always be my first. You will always be the one who broke open my heart. Taught me the most amazing kind of love. And the one who made me a mommy.

Blake Emme Brewer I love you more than words could ever describe, you are my baby, my light and my life.

First day home-2012